Of all the myths that are perpetuated by Queer Eye For The Straight Guy (and there are many, mainly to do with gay men liking musicals and having miracle cures for bad haircuts) the worst was on an episode I watched this week. Truthfully, it’s a couple of weeks old in the UK (and possibly sooo last season in the US) but still it’s aggravated me for a few days and I feel compelled to set the record straight (if you’ll forgive the pun). Oh, and it has nothing to do with gay men.

And while I am on the subject, pity the poor people of Colchester who – in the episode in question – were called a suburb of London. That’s like saying Dallas is a suburb of New York. Which it isn’t. Clearly. I know jet lag can be a problem for some people flying East but really, Fab Five, buy an A-to-Z (and that’s Zed not Zee).

Anyway, here we go.

Nobody in Britain eats cucumber sandwiches.

There, I’ve said it. Nobody in Britain eats cucumber sandwiches. And those that may be tempted have long since given up cutting the crusts of the them. And if you’re going to use cress don’t use the broad-leaf stuff; the cress of a cucumber sandwich must stick between the gaps in your teeth (which, I must remember, Americans do not have being so found of expensive dental care). But still, if you see cucumber sandwiches on the menu in Britain they are aimed at one market only: visitors with too much money to spend. So, don’t be fooled that you are following in the thousand-year-old habits of a once great Empire. No, you are being hoodwinked. Don’t fall for it.

If you really must have a traditional British sandwich, try Coronation Chicken on brown. It was invented for the Queen’s Coronation and has been popular with the British people ever since.

Honest (actually, ignore my sarcasm because it was invented for the Coronation) but I couldn’t think of another sandwich with which to mock you. If you know of a Sandwich that can be used to mock people let me know.

On this day…

2003: To Be A Politician

Stephen, it’s your birthday and all of us – by which I mean me – at Listen to Musak (the blog for Britain – I’m thinking it might be a good slogan) would like to wish you all the best for the coming year. I’m sure it’s been a fun year – that Child catcher costume alone must have made you laugh each day and, perhaps, put memories of that Technicolor dreamcoat behind you. But when, dear boy (and I say that as a term of endearment rather than as some comment on your person) will you be back in the studio recording some pop tunes for us? I was most disheartened that there was no further material after the last album. Truthfully, I was one of those who thought it was great. So, I don’t think you need any brother-of-some-bygone-popstar to be your new front man. No, stick with the solo material. Oh, and don’t drink too much tonight. Happy Birthday. [Stephen Gately was Man of the Moment at some point in the past when we did that stuff]

And in case that’s not enough, Stephen is 29 and today is Thursday, March 17, the 76th day of 2005. There are 289 days left in the year. This is St. Patrick’s Day [source]

On this day…

2006: Links For 17th March 2006
2003: Far From Heaven

Many years ago I spent a small amount of time working for BBC local radio. We had minor celebrities pass through the studios but they never phased me. When I first came to London I worked for a company that had studio facilities. A few bigger celebrities came through in the years I worked there and, again, I was not too bothered. Tom, however, got to see Rufus Wainwright play at 6 Music and that makes me very jealous. Everybody loves his new album (which is out here on Monday) and you can find him all over the press this weekend including, and I find it odd, The Times’ Health and Fitness section. Right now, however, I am listening to They Might Be Giants from 1990. Unconnected, I know but brilliant nonetheless.

On this day…

2005: Erasure: The Nightbird Tour
2004: Formula 1 2004 Race Calendar For Outlook Import
2004: Real Player For Palm Devices
2003: They’re All Abroad
2003: Thoughts on Blogspace

I wish I had a record of the early web sites I used to visit. You know one of those pages we had in 1995 that was a list of ‘recommended sites’. Of course if I was David Filo or Jerry Yang I would have been out celebrating ten years of my list of favourite sites list or Yahoo as they know it. Yahoo was ten years old yesterday. Yahoo! has always been my favourite search engine and with the advent of the new Yahoo! Firefox toolbar I have a renewed interest in using the site. There’s a rather cool Netrospective (10 years, 100 moments of the Web) but it doesn’t bring my own site list back to life. And to think that I could have maintained that list and been very, very rich right now.

Happy Birthday Yahoo – your childish years are behind you and your teenage years are ahead – that’s when things get difficult. You’ll get moody and spotty and you won’t want anything to do with us oldies but don’t forget you need us!!

There wasn’t too much spam ten years ago, although it was certainly around it wasn’t something that Yahoo would have worried too much about. Two years ago, however, there was considerably more spam. What amuses me looking back at this post from this day 2003 is just how much spam has changed. I get few mails about debt solutions now but I do get a good few offering me all kinds of new drugs to cure all the ills I don’t have.

Ten years or two – the on-line world is moving on so quickly.

On this day…

2003: Eggs and Spam (No Eggs)

You will know that Jason Kottke is a superstar blogger – and I don’t mean he wears a Seventies-style Addidas tracksuit (although he might and it would be very retro) [click here if you don’t get the classic British TV reference and go bow at the alter of David Vine].

No, he’s been (Kottke, not Vine) writing a personal web site (in the blog style) since sometime in 1998 which makes him – in web years – very, very old indeed (although he doesn’t look it in the pictures). If you haven’t read his site you should because he’s good at this stuff but now – in a nutshell (and the word nuts may be important) – he’s given up a job to spend his days writing great content for his site in the hope that readers pay him (read his reasoning in more detail) for writing it.

Anyway, to cut a ramble short, I just went to read today’s postings (like this one) and have come away feeling like a dirty thief. I haven’t stumped up the cash so I feel like the kind of person who walks out of WH Smith’s with The Independent under his arm and hasn’t paid (nor dropped a button in the honesty box to look like I am paying). The security guard hasn’t clocked me but my toes are sweating in fear. Truthfully, I wouldn’t be a good shoplifter which is why, mother if you’re reading this, I am not a thief. And, yet feel like one.

Damn, damn, damn .. I have to find a credit cards sans dust.

On this day…

2004: What Did You Say?

Last week I made note of Brian Brian Sedgemore’s comments in the House of Commons when the debate on the Prevention of Terrorism Bill was in place. I also suggested people may have lost interest in politics. Well, when politics is as blatently vote grabbing at this piece in the Sunday Times reveals, it’s no wonder:

This week a new bill giving Muslims protection against religious discrimination will be published, but there will be no equivalent right for gays, as had been planned by ministers.

Sunday Times: Discrimination bill snubs gays to save Muslim vote

I guess I should be angry and I should write to my MP or something but I am resigned to the fact that nothing will happen and it will make no difference. It’s the obviousness of the whole thing that frustrates.

On this day…

2004: St David's Day
2003: Haunted Castle
2003: Ben Affleck In Tight Leather

Somewhere in the past two weeks I caught the flu which put me in bed for a couple of days and has had me feeling very bad for longer than I remember having had the flu before. So, I am stuck with a series of half written posts – mainly reviews of things I wanted to talk about – which need some editing before I can get them online. So I must get myself back into shape. In the meantime, I note that I have not yet seen this year’s Best Picture (Million Dollar Baby) or Actor In A Leading Role (Jamie Foxx – Ray). Neither have I seen most of the other winners: Finding Neverland, The Aviator, Eternal Sunshine … maybe I need to get myself to the cinema.

In other news, “Opening statements were set to begin on Monday in Michael Jackson’s child molestation trial, the start of what promises to be a long and bitter court fight that could end in prison for one of the world’s best-known entertainers” [Source: Reuters: Opening Statements Offer Preview of Jackson Trial]. I think it’s time to prepare yourself for wall-to-wall coverage on rolling-news channels and on those non-stop entertainment-news channels.

On this day…

2003: Dear Mr. Secretary

They say that the people have lost interest in politics, and maybe they have. But, every now and then, there are some great speeches in The House and I am very glad that the web makes them available to me:

They voted: first, to abolish trial by jury in less serious cases; secondly, to abolish trial by jury in more serious cases; thirdly, to approve an unlawful war; fourthly, to create a gulag at Belmarsh; and fifthly, to lock up innocent people in their homes. It is truly terrifying to imagine what those Members of Parliament will vote for next.I can describe all that only as new Labour’s descent into hell, which is not a place where I want to be [source: TheyWorkForYou.com].

It amazes me that this has not been picked up more by mainstream media. Yes, it gets some mention in coverage, but nowhere near as much as it deserves.

On this day…

2004: Changing Faces
2003: Spend Spend Spend (Online)